Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
