Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
