This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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