i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
