I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
