Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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