I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
