I want to have your abortion
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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