i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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