Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
