...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
