Im at strip club and am horny
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
