Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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