hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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