Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
