I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found the puke drawer
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
