these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need moral support for this bender
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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