Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
