I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
