he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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