How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
