I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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