oh god the rape fog is back!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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