Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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