I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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