I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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