The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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