I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
