Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
