remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
