jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
