I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
