one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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