I met the friendliest cop last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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