So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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