Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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