Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
