no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
