Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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