well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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