he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
