If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
