my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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