Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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