i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
