oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
