i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We smell like vodka and hangover
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