my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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