My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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