My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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