I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
