Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize