wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
