I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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