when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
