u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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