I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
