at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
