He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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