I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
