i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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