so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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