Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
