she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
