and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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