so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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