finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
